Dear Domestic Violence

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There will never be an acceptable excuse for raising your hand to another human being.

Dear Domestic Violence. You may not remember last night, but you only have to take one look at me and you will immediately recognise your handy work. All because you were in a drunken stupor.

I heard you bounce off the hallway walls as you stagger to our bedroom. It was only a matter of time before I have to face the harsh reality of your fist connecting with some part of my body. Instantly my sensors were on high alert. It were as if I was a captured animal awaiting my fate.

You whacked me, blow after blow for reasons unknown to myself. Once you physically exhausted yourself, the punches stop. Then you fall into a deep sleep; I survey my injuries until, I hear you snoring. It is only then I decide it is safe to remove myself from the floor.

I slowly start to attend to my wounds. I wipe away the blood, dress the cut on my lip and bandage my arm. I am house bound until these injuries begin to heal. No matter how many times you do this to me; my pride won’t allow me to be seen in public like this.

Before I lay down by your side, I stare at you for what seems like hours – my thoughts swing from questions on how to kill you; to how had I got myself into such a messy, desperate situation? I am cocooned in a cycle of your weak abuse and sorrow.

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Interview with Rohan Chaubey from Be Rohanlicious

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Rohan Chaubey

ROHANLICIOUS stands for being Real, Optimistic, Honest, Admirable, Nice, Leader, Inspirational, Creative, Insightful, Opportunistic, Unique and Selfless. Rohan encourages his readers to live up to these standards.

By now I gather you know who I am interviewing. My motivation for such a post was to utilize an amazing mind and highlight a work ethic that is an example to us all.

Rohan appears tirelessly around the internet. Presenting professional opinions and sharing his knowledge.

It seems Rohan has a wonderful ability to make everyone feel included and worthy of his time. However after reading some of his posts, his boundaries are clear and his kindness should never be mistaken as weakness.

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Why We Behave The Way We Do? Acceptable Social Behavior.

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Some people think the rules don't apply to them. Our behavior matters.

We stand out when we don’t conform.

A loan shark lends out money at high interest. The payee accepts the payment terms due to the desperate nature of his circumstances. When the agreement is not met, the stand over man who is in the business of collecting money by any means possible will come knocking. In most circumstances this is not acceptable social behavior.

When the tough guy is around his mother, grandparents or other family members, a different behavior is necessary. It would not be acceptable to behave in the same manner he does whilst at work.

This highlights that we behave according to the environment we are surrounded by. When the setting changes so does our conduct. We adapt to the social situation in order to fit in.

We learn cultural norms, rules and patterns of acceptable and non-acceptable behavior that dictate how we operate within society and various groups to which we belong. (Training in Australia – M.D Tovey & D. Lawlor P. 55).

We are comfortable with social etiquette as it is an indicator that everything is under control. It is a standard of behaviour that creates a safe and protected environment.

Social norms are what keep society functioning. Whether we are aware of it or not we embrace these unsaid rules of behavior.

Social norms are what keep society functioning. Whether we are aware of it or not we embrace these unsaid rules. @thedigger0 Click To Tweet

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Risk Analysis – A Practised Part of Project Management.

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Managing Challenges.

There is no forward progress without some sort of plan. When we start making moves towards future goals, we anticipate the good, the bad and the ugly. This is called risk analysis and it is a necessary part of the process.

Big projects have this calculated into their costs, time management and outcomes. It’s preparing for unforeseeable situations that may or may not arise. Exploring a development from this angle allows us to accommodate for the weather, cost, materials, safety, damage and time-delays.

Tenders for the construction of buildings have weather and material delays calculated into their itemised figures. Each venture will have it is own unique dynamics and requirements.

When we break a plan up into small achievable steps we can apply risk analysis to these same phases. Never underestimate this process as simply calculating a few disappointments along the way. This part of the project prepares the mind for the unanticipated. It allows us to manage whatever arises, whether it was forecasted or not.

When we break a plan up into small achievable steps we can apply risk analysis to these same phases. Click To Tweet

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Gossip – Is a Backward Compliment.

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Gossip excludes individuals.

You glance around the room, to find those same three people looking at you and then laughing or whispering amongst themselves. The first time this happened you were left wounded and hurt. Then you reprimand yourself for thinking others would gossip about you.

Most days, you are faced with the same behaviour. They have confirmed that you are a source of their chatter because they make comments about you within hearing distance.

They invest so much time and effort in you, that it leaves you feeling a number of raw emotions. Anger, paranoia, sadness and vulnerable.

You wonder what is so dam interesting about you; that can hold their attention for so long. This is what I call a backward compliment.

It is as if your presence places them under some magical spell – captivating them.

RELATED: The Dangers of Gossip. (This post is a story about gossip – great antidote).

Having to attend school, the work place or any situation where this type of behaviour exists; is a lot of pressure initially. It can impact us for hours after the situation has taken place. This is understandable when we first encounter circumstances such as this. We have no tools or experience with this sort of conduct.

When you first come across passive aggressive behaviour (hostile words said with a smile on their face), you may attempt to laugh it off; it’s uncomfortable but you are not so sure what is going on. You don’t want to create waves so you bare the brunt of an awkward situation. But it zaps all the positive energy from you.

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Reprogramming The Mind Is As Easy As A Carrot a Day.

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Bugs Bunny is not the only one who loves carrots.

There is nothing relaxing about being stuck in a rut. In such times we struggle and overindulgence in activities to compensate for what is lacking in our lives. Watching too much television, over eating, gambling, abuse of alcohol and/or drugs.

Life becomes a habit of negatives. These actions may dull the senses for a period of time but our behaviour clearly identifies we are craving more from life. Although we don’t know how to go about achieving it.

There is a simple solution. Reprogramming the mind is as easy as a carrot a day?

Eating a carrot a day will prove to you that you are capable of commitment once you have set your mind to it. For some an obligation is not a new concept and for others it is nothing more than disappointing.

This activity will show you just how capable we all are of meeting and following through with our decisions.

By eating a carrot a day you will learn how the mind will attempt to sabotage every plan of action, regardless of how big or small your resolution.Continue reading→

How Do You Respond To Challenging Behaviour?

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We are surrounded by different personality types. Some individuals we enjoy, while others we struggle to keep our emotions in check. They seem to bring the worst out in us. How do you respond to challenging behaviour?

“If you can cultivate the right attitude, your enemies are your best spiritual teachers because their presence provides you with the opportunity to enhance and develop tolerance, patience and understanding.” Dalai Lama

A married couple reached out to a counsellor seeking guidance. Their union had been strained for some time and they were seeking solutions. The husband says, “if only my wife would change our lives would be better”. The wife says, “our lives would be happier if only my husband changed”.

It’s an unrealistic expectation to demand that others alter their behaviour in order to suit our requirements. Most people aren’t mind readers so it is near impossible for this to occur. We maintain our equilibrium when we accept individuals for who they are, not how we expect them to be.

We maintain our equilibrium when we accept individuals for who they are, not how we expect them to be. Click To Tweet

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New Bloggers; The Statistics Are Against Us.

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Dear New Bloggers,

I have some good and bad news. Firstly the statistics are against us. Not only do we have to contend with our own blogging illusions, there are numbers stating that most of us won’t make it. Does that feel like a challenge and/or pressure?

Who thought they would write a couple of posts and become an overnight success?

When doubt checks in and your mind starts to think about checking out, it is the time for discipline.

So when doubt checks in and your mind starts to think about checking out, it is the time for discipline. Click To Tweet

Blogging is no different to operating a small business. First you have to establish a reputation within your own industry (niche). Then you have to persistently work hard to remain relevant. How much sense does it make, to think you can say, ‘hello I am here’ and expect the same amount of recognition as those who have already ascertained their reputation as industry experts?

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You Don’t Go To War With The Pajamas On. Your Clothes Speak.

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You have been invited to a fancy dress party. Everyone is asked to wear clothes of their all-time favourite character.

Before the event you are very excited but get busy with other matters and forget all about it. The day arrives and you don’t have a costume. You don’t think too much of it and decide to go in your casual gear.

Upon arrival you are astonished to see everyone dressed in wonderful costumes. You start to feel a little self-conscious while you kick yourself for not putting this event in your diary.

You hand your invite to security at the door, but are refused entry as there is a strict dress code.

You’ve been invited by the hosts of the party and demand to speak with them. When they arrive at the door you immediately notice how disappointed they are by your appearance and this makes you feel even more uncomfortable.

Of course your friends lets you in, but you feel alienated. You see everyone playing up in their costumes but just can’t get into the swing of things. Even at costume parties we are dressed to a certain code.

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Saying No, It’s Only Being Assertive.

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Saying No, can be challenging for some.

“Darling, I know you have been up since 4 this morning but would you take the rubbish out, mend the fence and after dinner – do the dishes.

Don’t forget I want you in tip top condition, so we will go for a 45 minute run. And then I want you to make sweat passionate love to me.

Umm; I think that’s about all, but I will let you know if anything else comes up”.

The above statement is ridiculous. Do you feel obligated to say, ‘yes’ when people make a request? Is it possible that you are asking too much of yourselves when attempting to please everyone around you?

If the answer is yes, then rub your hands together and roll up your sleeves. Here is an area where you need to focus your attention on your own behaviour. The hard work is just about to begin.

The practice of being assertive and saying, ‘no’ is about to begin. We will also look at asking for your own needs to be fulfilled. Identifying these areas is the easy part. Putting this into action is where it gets a little murky.

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